release, release, release

A few years ago, Cynthia and I attended an OCAMPR (Orthodox Christian Association of Medicine, Psychology, and Religion) Conference in Illinois, and it was a wonderful experience. We led a workshop on living out the rhythms of the Divine Liturgy throughout the week and had the opportunity to attend other insightful talks and workshops. We met amazing people who were using their talents in remarkable ways to promote light and healing within their communities.

An art therapist led one of the workshops I attended, and part of her presentation involved a walk in a wooded area right outside the conference room. She had hidden pieces of paper with quotes from various saints among the trees, rocks, and under benches. We were instructed to search for these pieces of paper and allow whatever one we chose to resonate with us personally. The idea was to sit with that message and absorb it as a gift.

I found a quote from St. Gavrilia that said, “Let God intervene between you and your purpose, instead of letting your purpose intervene between you and God.” Later on, we were invited to create a collage inspired by the quote we had found. It was a beautiful and meaningful exercise that opened my eyes to the soul-nourishing benefits of creativity.

The other day, I was going through some old folders in my office when that piece of paper with the quote from St. Gavrilia fell onto my desk. It felt purposeful, like a divine nudge to contemplate once more the message that had chosen me in the woods all those years ago. What does it mean to me now? What can I learn from it in this season of my life? I’ve been contemplating that for the last few days, and here are some of the insights that have emerged:

My purpose is rooted in prayer

Have you ever heard the old hymn, “What a Friend we Have in Jesus”? I grew up with it being sung to me at home and at church, and it still comforts my heart when I come across it:

What a friend we have in Jesus,

all our sins and griefs to bear!

What a privilege to carry

everything to God in prayer!

O what peace we often forfeit,

O what needless pain we bear,

all because we do not carry

everything to God in prayer!

One of the biggest challenges I face when it comes to flourishing is trying to go it alone. It is so easy to slip out of a habit of prayer- trying to “fit it in” around all of my responsibilities. When prayer becomes secondary to my own plans and ambitions, I quickly become overwhelmed by decision fatigue, anxiety, negative self-talk, and feeling chronically “behind.” Allowing God to intervene between me and purpose by bookending my days with wholehearted prayer and a few moments of stillness keeps me receptive and malleable to the Holy Spirit’s guidance. And the Holy Spirit’s guidance is always, always better than my own limited reasoning and understanding. When my daily purpose is rooted in prayer:

• The next right thing is revealed to me in the present moment

• I am content with what I have and who I am

• I am inwardly calm and stable

• I am more fruitful and productive 

• I tap into Christ’s strength and stamina 

• I am more grateful and aware of the love, light, and beauty all around me

God’s plans are so much greater than my own

When I allow my own desires to come between God and me, it's often because I want what I want and feel resistant to letting go of my expectations. I have a specific vision for how I want my life to unfold, and how I think certain situations should be resolved. I tend to believe that if I worry enough, research enough, and micromanage every aspect, I can make it all happen. You can probably guess how that usually turns out for me—it's never good. I can spend hours, days, or even months overthinking and overfunctioning, becoming increasingly anxious about troubling future scenarios. Ultimately, I reach a point of desperation for peace and finally turn to Christ, admitting that I don't truly know what is best for myself or my loved ones.

Oh, the relief I feel when I come to the end of my own strength and humbly let go, laying all my hopes, fears, shame, doubts, and pride at Christ’s feet. "I can't" becomes one of the most powerful prayers I can offer, opening my heart to a deeper faith and a willingness to submit my own will to God's will -  to be still and find rest.

"Completely have trust in God, leave everything in His hands, and believe that His love will act for your own benefit. Then God will take care of everything, because there is nothing He cannot do; everything is easy for Him. The difficult thing is for man to decide to humble himself and leave everything to God's providence and love." - St. Paisios the Athonite

We have all been invited to taste and see that the Lord is good. We are encouraged to take a leap of faith and make room for God to act on our behalf. We can practice patiently waiting with hope and gratitude as uncertain situations unfold, allowing ourselves to be amazed by God's goodness, wisdom, and mercy.

I placed my rediscovered quote in my prayer corner as a daily reminder to stay the course, release, release, release, and unclench my fists, opening my hands to receive gifts beyond what I could ever have imagined. Thank you, St. Gavrilia. Please pray to God for me!