A healthy garden checklist

In the parable of the sower, seeds are sown generously, each with the same potential to flourish, yet not all will take root and thrive. This is not due to the seeds being defective, but rather because the soil in which they are planted is unsuitable for growth. 

When struggling with fruitlessness, reflecting on the condition of my internal and environmental soil can be very eye-opening. Is it fertile enough to support new life? Has it been watered, weeded, and exposed to plenty of light?  

Through daily inner work, I have gained some clarity about my personal vulnerabilities that can either lead to my soil drying out or becoming overrun with weeds. I’ve also acquired some helpful gardening tools! Below is a checklist I use to pinpoint the cause of my wilting, along with some steps I can take for renewal:

Have I prayed?

By “prayer,” I mean have I taken the time to be quiet and attentive, rather than just talking at God and making my case for how my trials should be resolved? Have I stopped over-functioning, overthinking, and trying to control my circumstances and other people, allowing space for God to act and reveal His will to me in the present moment? I carry an image in my heart of Christ as the good and gentle shepherd. When I run to Him, cling to Him, all of my anxiety, self-loathing, and confusion burn up in His embrace, leaving only stillness, calm, and child-like trust. 

Have I planned?

 Flying by the seat of my pants hasn’t served me well over the past forty-some years. I've had to work hard in my adult life to manage my impulses and distractions. I realized that aimlessness only increases my discontent and anxiety, while intentionality is crucial for finding peace and achieving long-term growth. Although I’m much more consistent than I used to be, planning on a weekly and daily basis will likely never come naturally to me. I'm not perfect at it, but I continually return to planning in order to schedule in the habits that increase my health and well-being.

Have I participated?

I am so much more fruitful when I am plugged into a supportive community, including my parish community, our Filled With Less community, Book Club, family, and my edifying friendships.  When I go it alone for too long, I get stuck in my own head and start to feel depleted. Christ comforts me through others, teaches me through others, and inspires and encourages me through others. And the salvific work of loving those who are different from me, who challenge and humble me, softens my heart and quiets my ego.

Have I paused?

Pause before speaking, that is. When my words go unchecked, they often skew negative and judgmental, or micro-manage-y. The more idle words I speak, the longer my inner turbulence rages on. Choosing quality over quantity when it comes to my words elevates my perspectives and conversations.  Quiet, attentive listening, encouragement, thanksgiving, loving curiosity about the person I am speaking with all go a long way towards soothing my inner turbulence and replacing it with tranquility and humility. 

Have I protected?

When I focus on my inner life, I become more aware of the little things that sneak in and ravage my garden—certain ruminations, types of conversation, various kinds of content, subtle distractions, and so on. Journaling about these observations has helped me become more vigilant and proactive about protecting my soul from joy stealers and procrastination. 

Have I praised God for His blessings? 

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:6-7

A fruitful spirit gives thanks in, through, and for all circumstances. That is soooo much easier said than done. But here is where the rubber meets the road in terms of death to my own desires and expectations as a means of freedom and transformation. Recently, I found myself railing against a thorn in my flesh I wanted removed immediately. The more I resisted and resented my current circumstances, the more anguished and hopeless I became. My soil was hard and rocky. Recognizing this state of anxiety and agitation as not of Christ, I ceased fighting against the turmoil and turned to silence and praise instead. It was a powerfully effective pivot away from darkness and back to light.  Through praise and thanksgiving, that very thorn was reinterpreted as a gift, keeping me tethered to prayer and dependence on Christ. It became a means through which His mercy and faithfulness were being revealed to me by way of countless little glimmers within the trial itself. Praising God for all things corrects my thoughts, increases my trust, and renews my energy for creativity and service.